(Originally posted February 16, 2012)
One more day, and it would have been POSTAL!! POSTAL, I TELL YOU!! I would not have been responsible for my actions! The reason for my unbridled last leap over the edge of Lunch Duty sanity? I shall tell you.
It should never have happened. Yogurt. In a bendable, breakable, spewable, squirtable, gushable plastic enclosure. Yogurt should be in a cup, plastic and disposable. Sturdy in the event of an ‘oops’ or ‘splat.’ Instead, somewhere in a laboratory deep in that mystical, mythical land of “WHAT IN THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!?” there was a day when some nimrod inventor, in his own personal “Ah Ha! moment came up with the OH so clever notion of putting a squishy food in a little plastic sleeve. Toddlers and other unsuspecting youngsters in their formative years of acquiring table manners, could now on a whim push, slosh and spew Go-Gurt in projectile fashion onto their faces, faces of friends and every other surrounding surface for a 4 square mile radius.
Should the young tots chubby little stubbs, one day to evolve into dextrous digits known as fingers not be able to “Tear here –>”, our young problem-solvers move to option number two: gnawing the little plastic sleeve until the Gurt within goes…EVERYWHERE!! Usually at some point midst gnaw, the little plastic sleeve RIPS open top to bottom, with ‘Very Berry’ Go-Gurt gushing onto walls, dashboards, freshly pressed dress shirts, Grandmother’s custom draperies, the Kindergarten teacher’s khakis….well, you get the picture.
Go-Gurt. Yogurt on the GO! Woo-Hoo! Destined to be found the most ill-conceived food packaging choice in the history of lunch boxes, viciously targeting the table manners of our nation’s youth and their well intentioned OCD care-givers. These oozing squeezers of yogurt on the go will surely be the tipping point of more than one well-intentioned teacher of our young into early retirement, but this is just one opinion, from one Kindergarten teacher. I’m sure there are many Kindergarten teachers and other caring adults out there who just LOVE Go-Gurt! Of course, they are either dead, retired, or today is NOT their day on Kindergarten Lunch Duty!
“Uh, Mr. Creel? We’ve had a yogurt explosion over here…and it’s not pretty.” …..Preston, 6 years old.